Listening for the still, small voice | Darwin's Theories

Under the heading of, ?Why have a blog if you?re not going to post anything??, I surface again in the virtual world. Greetings.

It is coming up on four years since I?ve written anything meaningful of my own, and the better part of two years since putting in any seriously determined effort to drive stories out of the Evolutions pipeline.

There are no clear reasons for this. In the case of Evolutions, I ran out of money and gumption at approximately the same time. As for my own prose, suddenly it seemed an effort unworthy of the return. Not that I?ve accomplished other great things in the meantime. Rather, I simply closed in on myself and began to degrade, both in mind and body.

So, why start posting now? Why look back on writing and editing after having simply walked away?

Basically, I managed to obtain full time employment in my field once again. The joyous part is that I have been able to find a place where my old enthusiasm and ability to develop sound workplace relationships can take root and thrive ? and even be appreciated! It?s taken six months, but the feeling that I may actually be creative and capable of accomplishing things has returned.

(Mind you, I?m currently finishing out two weeks of a temporary lay-off as I write this. Life?s funny that way, balancing our feelings of well-being along a razor?s edge of financial stability and familial calm.)

Things are changing ? have changed ? in the world of writing while I?ve been standing by watching. They continue to shift as I type. The old paradigms are finally fragmenting in the face of changing technology and consumer interest. Adaptation must occur for writers? and more especially for publishers in order for prose as an entertainment medium to survive.

Whoops. I didn?t say ?art form? there, did I? That?s because I?m not enamored of thinking of prose that way anymore. That paradigm is unsustainable and ultimately futile.

Fiction ? especially fantasy and science fiction ? is about entertainment. I don?t read things that don?t entertain me. That?s something that not only writers but more importantly publishers need to be aware of.

Not that there isn?t an art to word craft. God knows that creating a story is art. The issue is that no matter how much of a creator?s soul and finesse goes into a piece, in the end it?s just a commodity that only has commercial value if it?s perceived as a desirable entertainment property.

Anyone can write, if they want to. And now, anyone can publish with a few clicks of a mouse. Congrats! You?re a published author.

So what?

Unless you create something that people want to read, you?ve wasted all that time and effort for nothing.

That thought, I think is what?s slowed my return to anything resembling activity in the fiction arena. My own writings have never achieved novel length. My shorts have been released as micro-e-books, but with little note and zero financial recompense. As far as the Evolutions experiment goes, I have actually received a few payments, but not enough to even pay back the editing work that was done on the first story.

Without some kind of positive marker, it simply became too hard for me to care anymore. The money and time were not coming back as well spent, and that?s what killed it for me. Life is finite. Time is precious. Why should I waste it doing that?

The odd thing is, a part of me still wants to. Now that I?m no longer feeling completely negative about my place in the world, that still, small voice deep inside has been asking me to try and talk to my characters again, to go back and start looking at the stories people have entrusted to Evolutions again.

This time, though, I have to be completely and totally clear with myself. There?s no money in this. Once I?ve sent all the stories out that people want me to send out, there?s really no reason to do more.

As for the stories I write, I need to write them because I want to bring the ideas and personalities I?ve imagined into a more concrete form I can share with others. I have to accept that there will most likely never be any financial gain in it. It simply has to be something I want to do.

Writing, to me, is neither more nor less important than any other creative endeavor I involve myself in. It?s as much a part of me as my model airplanes, my photography, or my own reading for enjoyment. Wordsmithing is a part of me and has been since I was very young. I certainly can?t leave it laying unused forever.

That said, I?m not particularly interested in letting it control my life either. It has to be ?something I do sometimes?. If I leave it like that, then I think that may be enough.

Source: http://www.darwinagarrison.com/?p=36

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